fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
