You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
