What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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