i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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