Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
