I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
