Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
