it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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