so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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