No stitches, just platelets and will power
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
