I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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