good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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