Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
