Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
