dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
