i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
