she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
