I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She bit a glass in half.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
