I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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