"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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