are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
