I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
