You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
