I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
