so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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