a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
