I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
