I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We have started to decorate penises.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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