Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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