Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
