all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
