i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
