i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
