you traded sex for a burrito?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i dont even know how to be here
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
