my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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