I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Michael Bay diarrhea
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need a beard to bite.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
