I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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