R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He shit in the fireplace
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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