I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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