just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
