A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am naked and annoyed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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