Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
