UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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