WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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