I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
