Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That's intense
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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