Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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