OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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