so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
