I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
