Your dad touched me again.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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