Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
