I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
