I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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