OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
