Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My penis needs a shock collar
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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