remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
